Mixed Emotions...

You ever have one of those days that have been so all over the map that you are almost at a loss for words? Yeah, us too. Today is one of those days. Today was crazy, filled with incredible joy, blessings, and miracles from the Miracle Maker, but also sadness, tears and pain. We celebrate and rejoice the incredible hand of God in Mayla's progress (edima/swelling has gone down, she has been peeing, she is alert and interacting), the safe arrival of Keri's sister Christa to Zürich, an always exciting trip to the Gemeinde to take care of residence permits, coffee with incredible friends in Christ, and being able to hold our beloved daughter once more.

We wouldn't be honest with you though, if we didn't share our pains and sorrows too. This morning,we found Mayla had made great progress. She is no longer related to the Michelin Man and has been cut from the cast of the Ghostbusters remake. Fluids are being drained, she was off the CPAP, awake, we were both able to hold her, and play with her, Christa was able to meet her... God's blessings flowed strongly; in other words, giving God the glory was easy.

By evening, things were not soo pleasurable. While Mayla didn't take a turn for the worse, a significant struggle was identified. Now 3-1/2 days post-op and almost all the swelling having gone down, we were anticipating rapid progress. What we learned is Mayla is struggling to breath on her own. She is on-and-off the CPAP but breathing is slow and oxygenation is low. As the night wore on, breathing and oxygen levels became more of a concern and when alarms began sounding, nurses started running and Mayla was typically awakened from her sleep. Mayla also continues to struggle with feeding from a bottle. Some time later we were asked to leave as a new patient was coming to the ICU from surgery. We took this opportunity to catch a dinner break, then come back for some time with a cherished brother in Christ. After that, Keri and I went back to say good-night and pray over our beloved and we were denied. There was another emergency in the ICU, not Mayla, and so we could neither kiss her nor say good-night. This added to the struggles of an already tough night for us in the ICU, and of course weighs further on the emotions of life in ICU. Adding to this, Keri has been journaling since the beginning, and though I've been writing the updates, I've only just begun journaling on our experience. As you can probably imagine, journaling can be very healing, but wading through the muddy waters of pain and sorrow is never easy.

Through all of this though, we continue to be reminded of God's love and faithfulness, even during the most painful times or memories, thickest tears, and greatest feelings of confusion. How? Simple. He is faithful. He gives us only what we can be bear, and no more. He uses His people, world-wide, to strengthen and encourage via SMS's at just the right time, friends dropping in to talk and pray, hugs, emails, Facebook messages, etc. While it's easy to praise and glorify when things are awesome, the true test of a saint is what you do when it's not so easy; lip service is one thing... Our test comes when we want to fill the desires of our heart with the joys of our daughter, and we are denied. Our test comes when we learn our beloved daughter is struggling to breath on her own. Our test comes when we want to pray over our daughter and the enemy fights against us.

Our joy comes from the knowledge that He IS in control. Our faith comes from the evidence of His hand at work in our lives, past and present. Our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness; and there is nothing else in the world we want our hope built on. My shoulders are not big enough, Keri is not tough enough, and though Mayla is a monster compared to other 11 day olds, she just can't. We rejoice in the answered prayers, peeing, edima subsiding, Mayla awakening from her sleep, meds being removed, and we lift up further prayers for Mayla's breathing, further fluid flushing, and increased strengthening. Mayla is a beautiful daughter of the Almighty, and He IS being glorified in her healing.

I was reminded tonight of the guy blind from birth found in John 9. When the disciples questioned whose faut it was, Jesus' response was that it was no single persons fault, rather, it was in order that the Lord be glorified. I will be so bold as to say, Mayla is a modern day interpretation of this blind guy. She did nothing and her heart defect is no result of mine or Keri's sin. She was knit the way she is, for His glory, and He will complete the work begun, in His time, to His glory. The requested prayers are simple, may the God of all, breath life into the lungs of Mayla Grace, that by His grace and healing may she breath on her own. And when this happens, may each of you turn and acknowledge Him. May He also touch each and every person, big and small, within the ICU.

So much for loss of words huh... I really am trying to be short; but I'm HUGE!

Welcome back!!! 

Inexpressible joy... 

There is definitely a front-runner for Aunt of the Year...