Arabella's AMAZING Birthday

AMAZING DAY! BLOWN AWAY! Can I get a HEY? AND let's PRAY!!!!!!!!!! (So I think I need sleep).......

I barely have ANY energy left to type, or clear thinking left, but i'm going to try really hard to get this super amazingly exciting post out! ARABELLA"S BIRTHDAY TODAY ROCKED! My first ever cemetry party and by far one of my most favorite of all time AND the Amazing Arabella giveaway.

Tonight i'm just going to cover the birthday girl giveaway, it was such a huge part of her birthday and REALLY REALLY emphasises the #celebrateeverything.

The trickiest part of the process was packing all the items in our suburban. I thankfully had the wonderful help of both my sisters. We grew up with a 'semi professional' packing dad, he taught us well, and he would have been proud. Loading up I felt like our truck turned into a Mary Poppins bag, and then unloading it felt the same way..stuff just kept coming!!!!

I was moved, it was way fun, Mayla was PUMPED and Will and I held hands and squeezed each other's hands. It felt healing, it felt refreshing, it felt GOOD! One of the best things you can do to heal during grief is by helping others....healing was happening! THANK YOU ALL for helping! Strangers, family, friends, loved ones...THANK YOU!!!!!

ON OUR WAY!!!

Arabella bear was with us the whole day, Mayla was pumped to bring her along and show her what was going on. We were PACKED in there!

Busting at the seams when we opened the tailgate :o)

AMAZING helper, SHE SO got it

ALLLLLLL This!!! CELEBRATE EVERYTHING!!!!!

MORE TO COME LATER................

The night before....

I see other little babies that would be Arabella's age and I want to wrap my arms around them. I saw a complete stranger the other day holding a squirmy little guy who looked to be 11 months old. It was hot and the mom was trying really hard to control the child and not let them get down since it was an unsafe environment for the little guy. In my head I had the whole conversation and my actions played out how I would approach this lady and tag team with her, just to have a chance at holding him. I did stop myself in fear she would think I was a freak. My good friend had a little boy a week after Arabella was born, he is a gift to me. My friend will never know the deep love I have for that little man, and how much joy he has given me. When I look at him, I can guess what Arabella would be doing, and the smiles he gives me are priceless! God knew what I would need, and he gave it to me! These are called hugs from God...he cares, he knows me and he sees me!

I was just looking back over our last year of pictures. A lot happens according to the pictures we take in a year! It was a blast, but one thing was common from month to month to month; There is someone missing in every family photo that is taken; A daughter, a sister, a niece, a cousin, a granddaughter. Arabella bear made it into some pictures, that bear has become Mayla's BFF for one year now. Today Mayla bought her a new nuggi for her birthday:) Her way of going through grief and it's adorable. Hugs from God to hear her interact and take such good care of this 'pretend sister'. God cares, God knows, and God sees her!

Arabella Bear taking her first ride on the horse at the local grocery store.

I sat with a dear dear friend tonight by Arabella’s grave, after she left I stayed around, not quite ready to depart for the business of ‘life’ and the distractions that come ones way. There we were, Arabella and me, the wind, the memories, the images and then the tears. Oh how I miss her toes, and lips, she seriously had the most perfect lips I had ever laid eyes on, and her perfectly soft skin.

She was perfection. She was developmentally missing part of her skull, but I never notice that, and even though we did away with all the hats in the hospital after getting over the feeling like we had to ‘cover up her imperfections', I never ever have memories of that. When I think about her, see her, remember her, I see a perfect baby! She was fearfully and wonderfully made! God cares, God knows and God sees her!!!!

I have 300 thoughts racing through my mind, things I want to share, what I’ve learned over the past year, how I want to grow more, what advice I want to share with others going through something like this and I just can’t do it. I’m overwhelmed right now by people’s generosity. I”m overwhelmed right now by stories I’m still hearing 1 year later. I’m overwhelmed by how God really deeply cares. I’m overwhelmed by how I”m able to help others I don’t even know. I’m overwhelmed because of one of the best choices I have ever made, and that was to carry my baby to term, knowing she would not live! I’m overwhelmed because God chose me. God chose me!!!!!!!!

EXACTLY one year ago, Mayla dressing Arabella. That night we went to the hospital

I was scared, I was excited, I was not in control, I was surrendered to the one who made me and knew me. God was with us and he is to this day!

I sit in the dark, in the silence of the house:overwhelmed. I can no longer CLOSE the nursery room door, the room is FULL of stuff for her Birthday giveaway tomorrow (don't panic if you missed the date, i'm going to take another round of stuff there next week).  Tears run down my cheeks as I stand and look at the piles, i'm grateful, i'm in awe, i'm shocked, i'm brought to my knees in humility by all the love and support! THANK YOU!!!!!! Arabella's room was suppose to have all those things in it, and you have all made that possible, you have fulfilled a dream, my heart is full. My mommy cup runneth over!!

Will be delivered to Alpha Women's center tomorrow on Arabella's birthday. I"m SOOOO Excited!! THANK YOU THANK YOU! (This isn't all of it)

Celebrate good times....COME ON!!!!!!!!!

Almost 365 days have passed since I laid eyes on one of the most amazing gifts. Almost 525,600 minutes have passed since I held one of the most beautiful babies in my arms and almost 31,536,000 seconds have passed since Arabella Nani Ellis took her first of many many many unexpected breaths!

It's absolutely crazy to think that we are approaching her one year birthday,  my heart and emotions know the day is coming. Grief spikes at the one year mark, I thought I would be exempt. Not because I'm so tough and strong, but because of all the healing that has taken place, as the days continue on though, I realize that I'm not exempt and that's okay. I feel like I'm not only grieving the loss of Arabella, but the loss of Baby Feeah, and the months that have gone by with an empty womb and empty arms. I feel I was created to be a mother, and when the clock keeps ticking and I'm trying really really hard to do what I can to help the process (and yes it's fun, thank you God for inventing things the way you did, wink wink) it's tougher on me emotionally. Mayla is adorable, but she wears her emotions on the outside too (poor Will having to deal with two of us), and when she lies in bed at night and we are praying for God to open mommy's womb for another baby and you see your three year old sobbing because she wants a sibling, it's really really hard! Grief has been real, raw and JUST like the books say, random!

I've been thinking for months about her one year birthday, and playing around with a lot of ideas, but this idea that I've borrowed from a dear dear friend of mine SETS ME ON FIRE with excitement!

You're invited to celebrate Arabella Nani Elli's birthday with us! The theme we learned during Arabella's life and death was to #CELEBRATEEVERYTHING! It's tough some days, but we are doing it! And we would like your help to keep it going! Since Arabella isn't here to shower gifts upon, we invite you to bring us gifts, in honor of Arabella, that we will forward on to a place that is near and dear to our heart, Alpha Women's Center (https://www.alphawc.org/). I have been there a couple times and it's an amazing place. They care for pregnant mommies, unplanned and planned, and care for the babies and the needs they have after birth. Part of their vision is "Changing Hearts, Changing Lives. Changing Generations". Since losing Arabella, this place has meant more to me; Those going the distance to help others realize that every life matters! 

SOOOOOOOOOO It's Party time.............

In remembrance of Arabella on her birthday, August 19th, we will go to Alpha Women's center and drop off the gifts. I can not tell you the giddiness I have spiraling through my body at the thought of this. Gifts can be dropped off to our porch (or inside my home if I'm home and maybe we could have cookies together and chat), mailed to me, or I can pick things up or meet you somewhere! THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You can PM me if you are interested in coordinating a drop off or for my mailing address. Email address is keri.ellis22@gmail.com in case you want to communicate that way! 

So what can you give? Good question. Here is the list: SO FUN!!!!!!!!

NEW AND USED ACCEPTED:

• Children’s clothing – preemie to 6T

• Maternity Clothing and Nursing Bras

• Winter coats, hats, mittens, scarves, boots for all sizes 

• Infant Bedding

• Burp clothes and Bibs

• Socks and tights for babies and children

• Children’s bath towels, wash clothes and bath toys

• Toys and books – new or like new for our Christmas Shoppe

• Batteries any size to repair toys

• Children’s utensils, dishes and Sippy cups

• Back packs and school supplies

NEW ITEMS NEEDED:

• Diapers size newborn-6 (most needed: size 3, 4 and 5)

• New infant outfits, booties, toys, blankets, onesies

• Baby bottles and nipples

• Feminine products and toiletries

• Shampoo for women and babies

• Pack-n-plays

• Gift cards to Target, Staples, Office Max, Meijer, Family Fare, Gordon Foods, Hobby Lobby, Home Depot,  Michael’s, Bed Bath and Beyond, Baby’s R Us, Toys R Us, Best Buy, Lowe’s, Costco, Sam’s Club or other stores in our area.

Today I ran over and visited my girl. I told her what I was up to and the huge celebration that is to come! The image that plays through my mind, as if it's on a big screen, is the one when she was leaving this world and had a huge smile on her face! I can picture her smiling like that in heaven! Oh the surrendering, oh the relinquishing, and OH the JOY!!!!!

We prayed for all of you too as we shared peaceful time alone this morning.

There's a party goin' on right here

A dedication to last throughout the years

So bring your good times and your laughter too

We gonna celebrate and party with you

Come on now, celebration

Let's all celebrate and have a good time, yeah yeah

Celebration

We gonna celebrate and have a good time

It's time to come together

It's up to you, what's your pleasure?

Everyone around the world come on!

Yahoo!

It's a celebration

Yahoo!

It's a celebration

Celebrate good times, come on!

(Let's celebrate come on now)

Celebrate good times, come on!

(Let's celebrate)