Big ultrasound news.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

We are more in love than this morning. Baby Nani was one active, adorable, sweet little one pound 3 ounce thang and we are thankful!!! She's in the 75 percentile for height and 47 percentile for weight, I had NO idea that growth charts started in-utero, but we now have the start to our special girls baby book collection!

The atmosphere in the dim lit examining room was lighthearted. Will and I both sat (well I laid) in great anticipation of the news, but unfortunately it was just silence which lead me to start talking. I informed the rad tech that I was interested in knowing as much as she was able to share as she was looking around; She gladly started communicating! The very first image that popped up on the screen was the stomach, and to me something looked wrong, and I was afraid my worst fear for the day would be coming true. When I walked in that office today, it was not the fear of seeing or hearing our baby still had anencephaly, but that our baby had more complications or problems than they had originally seen, that's what consumed me most! She looked, and looked and measured, and captured, and looked some more and snapped more photos, all while saying nothing looked abnormal. However I didn't want to assume anything so just kept praying!

After almost an hour, the lady was done getting the images she needed and asked us if there were any photos in particular we wanted, I told her I really wanted a profile picture. When I walked in, that was the ONLY thing I wanted to walk out with, a full picture of our girl that we could frame! However, In the words of the rad tech, 'she is not cooperating today'. What's funny to us about this saying is that we heard it EVERY ultra sound with Mayla, and here we were again, it made us both chuckle! She tried and tried and tried, but Baby Nani was a moving and a shaking and no picture was possible. So she moved on to try and get a 3D pic, we NEVER got one for Mayla, becuase she NEVER cooperated so I thought this would be a great memory to have of baby Nani. I also was VERY interested in seeing a 3D image so I could see the severity of the anencephaly, did it start just above her eye sockets, or did she at least have a forehead. Can you believe Baby Nani's hands/arms where in the way every time she tried? She could never get a clear view and the 3D images where not turning out so stellar. She finally gave up on the face and went for the legs, those were even a struggle and once she captured them you could tell she was not too impressed with her results.

We ended on a positive note as she had nothing new to report in her findings, I felt relieved and excited. I can handle the anencephaly, I have come to accept that, what would have been hard is hearing that on top of anencephaly the baby has a hole in the heart or missing body parts or some other aliment which is normally paired with anencephaly. I felt blessed and was grateful for the news we were receiving and clung to the hope that we still have 15-18 weeks for God to perform a miracle if that's HIS plan!

We then went and met with a doctor who just so happened to walk in right when I had tears streaming down my face. Will and I were in the middle of a deep Jesus talk and I had hopped aboard the emotional roller coaster. She was sweet, comforting and a wonderfully caring person to be around! She too communicated how hard it is to prepare to say hello and goodbye in the same breathe. She listened as we talked and she had compassion in her eyes! We asked her about organ donation and how we could set something up ahead of time so it would be one less thing to worry about later on. She had no idea but tried to connect us with two people who she thought should know! She asked questions we had not thought about, which left me feeling like bricks were being stacked upon my shoulders. 'Have you thought about the possibility of bringing this baby home with you?' Have you thought about perinatal hospice being around when you bring your child home to help out?' Do you want a doula, not so much for birth assistance but someone to help control friends and family after birth and help communicate with others to give you and Will some breathing room?' I told her honestly, I think about the day I'm in, and up until now i've been in emergency mode wondering when I will be rushing to the hospital having miscarried. Today was the first time I thought I might actually need to pack a hospital bag and deliver this child. I was overwhelmed, what is God going to do?! We talked about natural birth over c-section, being paired with another mentoring family that has traveled this road before us, and even discussed the possibility of us being a mentor couple to another family going through what Mayla went through. Have I mentioned I just want to go to sleep and it's 6:30pm?!

Dr. Jean said our baby was beautiful, and besides the skull, she was perfect. She reported that every thing they checked came back normal, something else that elated me. They want to see me back in 10 weeks. At that time they will be monitoring the amniotic fluid. Anencephalic babies have a tendency to not drink enough amniotic fluid which leaves me 'filled to the brim'. It's only a problem if it interrupts my breathing and then they have to empty some out. OH JOY!!! Praying that does not happen.

Are we disappointed by today's results? Absolutely not. God still has 15-18 weeks to work, and we will surrender to whatever that looks like. We will continue to be used by Him in whatever capacity He chooses.

meet our squirming little baby Nani. 

My hope is found...

...In Christ Alone, "he is my light, my strength, my song; this cornerstone, this solid ground; firm through the fiercest drought and storm. What heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!! My comforter, my All in All, here in the Love of Christ I stand.' We sang this song on Easter Sunday and it was pressed upon me again as I woke this morning. This song brings hope, it serves as a reminder and each time I hear it, or ponder it, i'm moved! Jesus is FIRM, NEVER changing no matter what life throws our way. He is the same today as he was yesterday, he's the same as before we found out about Baby Nani's condition as he is today. Circumstances don't change the love he has for us, the only thing they change I pray is the amount of Love and devotion I have towards Him! The part of the song that pulled at my heart strings was, 'No guilt in life, no fear in death, This is the power of Christ in me; from life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my (baby Nani's) destiny. I shall not fear death for me and I shall not fear baby Nani's death, from the second baby Nani breathes, till the last breath; minutes hours or days we have with her, JESUS IS IN CONTROL! The song continues on, 'No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand; till he returns or calls me home, Here in the power of Christ I'll stand." I can not stand alone, i've tried and failed, but when I stand in Christ, I can do all things (Phil 4:13). 

Last week Will was doing training in Colorado for work (after completing a week of training in Florida the week prior).  We thought it would be a fun opportunity for us all and decided late March that Mayla and I would join him. Now i've taken MANY Colorado trips in my life, and they still rank at the top of my favorites list, the memories I have of Colorado are exciting, bring a smile to my face and even the mention of the state alone does something deep within me, i'm alive when i'm there...until this trip! Satan is trying to ruin us, and it was evident. Day one he wore us down, and day two he tried to attack our marriage. Hubby and I talked, we kissed, and we prayed, and Satan realized he lost that battle. So, he attacked Mayla on day three. The poor child threw up 14 times in 6 hours, of course all starting in the middle of the night, in a hotel. We were worn thin and exhausted! Due to an event for Will's work here in town, they needed to change his flight leaving two days earlier than Mayla and me, I felt attacked and depleted. The thought of staying in Colorado with a very unstable child, a high risk pregnancy, and flying back home alone had us changing my flight asap to join Will Thursday night! Besides being exhausted, Mayla was WONDERFUL on Wednesday. Thursday demonic Mayla came out and she was a bear from the second she opened her eyes that day. Something was off, two and a half hours before we flew out, she let us know what the problem was, all over the parking lot of Will's work, Satan was back!!! We grabbed a bucket, changed clothes twice and got in the car for the airport, and the puking continued. We boarded the plane, rounded up all the puke bags, and the puking continued, along with the turbulence, I think I looked out the window at one point and saw Satan sitting on the wing to the aircraft shaking it, I wasn't amused. Pregnant, raging, hormonal Keri was about to burst out, and all I could do was weep, the tears flowed so fast and dripped onto Mayla and the car seat, she looked up at me with the most tender eyes ever and I reached over and held her tight as I told her I loved her and then baby Nani started to kick and the tears flowed faster! I pleaded with God and begged Him for a break, I yelled at Satan and told him what I thought of him. The road we are on is rocky, bumpy and filled with holes along the way to make us stumble. Satan is working over time in our lives and the battle is real, but he WILL NOT WIN! The ultimate victor is God! Satan, you're on the losing team, no matter what all star players you think you have picked!

A great friend of mine awhile back, advocated on our behalf, and organized for our home church, Ada Bible, to do an anointing over me and prayer for baby Nani and our family! The elders, women's ministry leader and myself all agreed on a date, we spread the word. We then re-spread the word when a new date needed to be picked as my husband was going to be out of town. It was one of those moments where I didn't understand why that needed to happen, I wasn't the most happy about it needing to be changed but just surrendered as God's timing is best (no not always easy, but he DID create the beautiful world we live in, so i'm assuming he knows what he's doing). The date selected was yesterday, one day before a HUGE doctor appointment that I have been waiting for since February 13th. I smile at God's timing, as we have had to change the ultrasound appointment 3 times as well and now for the ultrasound appointment to follow what took place yesterday I stand in awe. I had a nervous excitement flowing through my body as I woke yesterday, I am not one to like being put in the center, and when people are praying over you, and laying their hands on you, there's no way around being the center of attention, but yesterday was amazing, it was once again God at work, and me stepping back looking, watching, waiting in anticipation to see what he will do and boy did he move! The prayers, the support, the love, the closeness, the bonding, the presence of Jesus sitting with Mayla and I in the chair surrounded by so many who love us was humbling and breathtaking. As they were praying for me, I was praying for them! The moment was perfect, it was the most beautiful representation of God's love in human form, the church doing what God called the believers of the church to do. I felt comforted, at peace and wrapped in God's loving warm embrace. The chair took on the feeling of God's arms, embracing me as I wept. 

Yesterday we prayed for a miracle for baby Nani, but even if the news we get today from the ultrasound is not what we are hoping for, I will by no means think less of God. 

We humbly ask you to pray with us and for us during this extremely emotional day as I have a doctor appointment with my doctor at 10:30 and then another one with maternal fetal medicine at 1:00pm. We ask you to pray for our marriage that seems to be a highlight lately for Satan to attack, and when he doesn't succeed there, going for Mayla. Please pray for the doctors wisdom today and words as they share what they find with us and lastly for perseverance for us to continue running the race God has called us to run! We pray for you as well, that God would be real to you today and meet you where you need Him most. He cares about the birds, take comfort knowing despite what you are going through, he cares about you too and even knows the number of hairs you have on your head! 

If Papi was going to work in Colorado, so was Mayla

Spending some WONDERFUL time with Colorado friends playing outside with the hose

Thankful for the hotel swimming pool to pass some time.

 Mayla and I made the most of our limited 'healthy' time, and thanks to a WONDERFUL friend who lend us her car we were able to enjoy a bit of Colorado despite the drama!

Hours after she had finished throwing up she was trekking up a mountain. 

Had a joyous time hiking with my girls!

Mayla the stud photographer (who could barely hold the camera), capturing Mommy and baby Nani

Mayla LOVING Papi's new job surrounded by boats

What's it going to be?????

We sing for joy, and we praise the Lord that he knows what's best for our family! He WILL work all things for HIS good, and everything is done according to HIS timing! We submit. Each day Baby Nani is with us is a gift worth celebrating, every picture is a celebration of the life inside of me, every place we go, we take our special gift and try to make Baby Nani a part of our every day (not too hard with Mayla close by). Some days this is really tough, it's tough to fall more and more in love, and at the same time wonder. It's hard to fight the urge to put a guard up, and reserve love, but if I reserve the love for the one growing inside me, would that make more love for the next one? Absolutely not, It would be a robbery and so I freely give of what I have with no reservations but relinquishing control. 

In the Bible we read a prayer of a guy who comes to a great conclusion. I have read and re-read this bible verse over and over the past couple weeks and find great comfort in it. 

"Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,

    and there are no grapes on the vines;

even though the olive crop fails,

    and the fields lie empty and barren;

even though the flocks die in the fields,

    and the cattle barns are empty,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord!

    I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!

The Sovereign Lord is my strength!

    He makes me as surefooted as a deer, 

    able to tread upon the heights." Habakkuk 3:17-19

18 Weeks (+)

BLUE OR PINK (REDish)

Baby NANI is a......

GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!