So Sad, yet So Glad

It’s time for another episode of So Sad, yet So Glad. Today I’m talking about missing something that has consumed a lot of our time over the years, Youth Group at the International Protestant Church of Zürich.

Both Keri and I have been involved in the youth group at IPC since coming to Zürich. This has included Sunday teachings, occasional activities, and general hanging out with a cool bunch of teenagers. We both have had a ton of fun over the years. Some of our favorite memories are probably the annual “Party on the Mountain”, the youth retreat, and all kinds of fun activities, especially whooping a bunch of kids hinders in go-karting (Keri missed that one), even being kind enough to slam a nice young lady into a tire wall… Most recently I worked with some of the students and started a worship band out of the youth group. I’ve had all kinds of fun hanging, rehearsing, and worshiping with all these kids. Following the most recent “Party on the Mountain”, it was a joy for me to reflect on the fun I’ve had with these kids, watching them grow into mature young adults, seeing their faiths grow, and being able to have adult(ish) conversations with them. I’ve always found it easy to connect with young and old alike, but it was an absolute pleasure for me (both of us really) to poor into their lives, sharing my life experiences and faith, hopefully equipping them and their faith for the future, while being free to act my IQ rather than my age. I’ll never forget these guys and gals and will forever hold on to the memories we made. I will also continue to pray for each of them (you if you’re reading this) and hope that throughout all your lives you will continuously seek the Lord first, trusting in Him for everything, the world will let you down always (it has me…).

Something we are super excited about is American football, and being able to watch it on television without the aid of Skype. As we hang out this Thanksgiving weekend, gearing up for the annual Michigan vs. Ohio State football game, we were so excited that Big Mama just switched to DirecTV so we could watch the Big Ten Network online and catch the game with clear visuals and sound. Unfortunately we are failing at that since the game is on ABC, so back to Skype we go. Also, for the first time since Keri and I each moved here, we get to watch the Super Bowl live and direct, no 6 hour time difference, no avoiding scores & recaps until we can watch a taping, no staying up to stupid hours of the night (not that we did), and we can finally watch the Detroit Lions win a Super Bowl (right…) in living color. All the while, celebrating gluttony as only Americans can with cheese dip, meatballs, fried-fattening foods, laughing our fool heads off at commercials, and wondering, wishing, and praying for the day that D-town gets to the Super Bowl. Good times will be had on February 3, 2013…

More to come in a few days. We hope and pray you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and for those in the U.S., managed to stay alive through the insanity that is Black Friday (we aren’t writing about that because one of us is excited, the other not so much, you guess which is which).

Another crazy activity Keri came up with. But let's be honest, who doesn't like a crab walk race on a mountain in the woods.

Party on the Mountain standard fare, brats and peeps.

Passing along American gluttony by way of S'mores.

Youth Retreat 2008, and yes, they're real... Gone now though...

Christmas Party 2011, Wii Cow Racing Tourney, he thinks cuz he's small and Asian he can use his powers to make his cow go faster than mine, well he did... 

Life as we know it..

Has changed....it's changed sept 6th, september 14th, September 27th, and even yesterday. They talk about milestones in babies lives, but some times forget about the milestones the parents take as well, and we have had our fair share in Mayla's short (but oh so long) 2 months and 12 days of living.

I went from being so frightened for what laid ahead with her life, to fear we would lose her, to not wanting to be her mom, to not knowing how to love her like she needed, to absolute adoration and deep affectionate love that can not be shaken. I stand in awe of the way God has worked and changed her and at the same time worked and changed both Will and myself.

Mayla has made a DRASTIC 180 degree turn since we last wrote about her. We wondered what life was going to be like with our 'high maintenance' baby, and how we would survive from one day to the next. Only by God's grace was I waking every day with enough energy to get through. That is no longer the case, I awake with such excitement for the day and eager to see what God has in store for us. I have confidence back that no matter what happens, WE will all be okay.

Mayla has a unique personality about her, and I find myself lost in her throughout the day. It brings me great joy to watch her explore, learn, and study life around her. I take absolute pleasure in the little things each day, and am already complaining it's going by too quickly. I want to cherish every moment, and take every moment to enrich her life to the fullest. A baby is an absolute miracle from God, and i don't want to take for granted even a single day. Mayla is for sure a miracle and a gift from God, and there is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for her and for what he has done for her. We lost our first baby one year and 17 days ago, and we almost lost our second one, I realize this child is NOT ours but Gods and therefore every day is precious, i don't want to miss a thing.

She has amazed us at her ability to be content when put down, to fall asleep on her own without being bounced, rocked, pushed, or fed to sleep. She has amazed us with her 'long' sleeping nights and the number of times she can smile in a day. She has amazed us at her ability to sit in a stroller and be content.....We are crazy about her.

She had an osteopath appointment (her third one) a week and a half ago. I went from being a little skeptical about it, to being a firm believer. At the appointment we mentioned again how Mayla was still screaming each time she yawned, the dr. manipulated a few things on her face, and low and behold Mayla yawned huge and NO screaming. Will and I were in disbelief, but then it continued to be that way the whole night. We were amazed and so thankful. We finished that session and the dr said the best words, 'she is GREAT, and we don't need any more appointments'. We were thrilled and so proud of Mayla for the way she responded to the three thirty minute treatments she had had!

Will and I are doing well, missing our 'dates' but looking forward to them starting back up soon (like this week) as Mayla can now go longer between feeds it will be easier to quick get away. She still struggles with the bottle, but we are proud that it's that way as opposed to her struggling with me. That alone is a miracle and another gift from God based given the fact that she was tube fed for the first 2 weeks of her life. We did manage to watch a movie two weekends in a row which also holds some serious excitement for us, even if i fell asleep in my hubby's arms half way through:) Dates were always a big part of our marriage before Mayla and we realize they are just as important, actually more important now that we have a child. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, but just husband and wife..together. Mayla is our absolute joy, but if i'm not first a wife then i'm doing a dis-service to my daughter. We will frequently lay Mayla down on her changing table or put her in her chair and hug in front of her, kiss and love on each other. She needs to see that throughout her life, and it needs to start now.

Regarding the move, well there's really no new news there. We put in our three months notice for our flat and have had some open houses. Yesterday being the first one that actually had people attending. We have our last one on Monday and are praying that the agency finds a suitable candidate for our place so we don't have to have any more. Once someone signs a contract, we will get in touch with them to see what furniture/items they may want from our place. We are praying someone gets it who needs 'stuff'' as it will help our to-do list and reduce 'move back' costs. We will then start calling moving companies and get quotes to see what it's worth to bring back, evaluating between crate shipment and just shipping boxes. Then based on that, we will start advertising items for sale and start emptying our home. There is lots to be done, but for now we sit back and wait and try to enjoy this 'down' time before it gets crazy.

As far as Will and the 'job search'. He is currently working on updating his resume and some other 'tools' that will help in the job finding process. He has found a few jobs that interest him and we are hopeful. His goal is in the next 1.5-2 weeks to start applying for some of them and see what happens.

We have started a 'LIST' where we identify things we'll miss in Switzerland as well as those we are looking forward to in the U.S. We call it 'SO sad, yet SO glad'.

We are SO sad to leave behind an amazing network of public transportation that runs so efficiently (unless it's rained or raining, in which case drivers of, particularly those of trains, must get nervous and back off the electric throttle), and the joy we have in taking trains, trams, buses, and boats to get to where we are going. It is more often than not, that we really enjoy the train opportunities to read, talk, stare at the amazing Swiss scenery, etc. Yet we are SO glad to have a car and the thought at driving places ourselves. Will is particularly excited because he really enjoys driving; anything with an engine, a steering wheel, and a throttle (brakes aren't always necessary). Cars bring a lot of added convenience for getting places, grocery shopping, nursing hideaways, etc. They also bring a lot of added work which Will really enjoys too and I have to confess, I think he's HOT when he's all greasy and dirty... We are blessed to have a car waiting for us back in the States, not just the bucket Will is building, and Will is looking forward to finding something for himself to drive until the bucket is finished...

Oh, she is learning to take a nuggi. 

No it's not THAT cold in our house, preventive measures to avoid thumb/hand sucking.

So fun to see a swimmy diaper on her...

First pool swim. So excited she enjoyed it. Next up, Lake Zürich.

Mark 5:19

"But Jesus said, 'No, go home to your friends, and tell them what wonderful things the Lord has done for you and how merciful he has been.'" (New Living Translation)

Over the course of this year, I (Will), amongst other things, have been looking for a job which would enable our family to stay in Switzerland while Keri can be home with Mayla. Well, the search is over! We are moving back to America!

Yes, it's true, and it is with incredibly mixed emotions that we share this news. We don't know many details yet, important things like when, where, how, etc. What we do know is what we shared, we're going (coming) back.

It has been a long journey, coming to the point where we know what direction we are going. As mentioned, I have been looking for a full-time position since handing in my bachelor thesis in February. Actually, I took a couple weeks to work on my car, but then I was looking. I initially focused my search in IBM since I was already working there. Very few opportunities there unless I studied Information Technology, and I'm not that guy, so that was a no go.

I then moved my search outside IBM and focused on the financial sector since that is the area I wanted to be. The financial services industry is difficult to get into these days in Switzerland, maybe you have heard or read the recent news on UBS. Needless to say, no opportunities presented itself in the large (or small) banks/financial institutions/investment houses. The search was then expanded to almost any business, really, with a particular focus on international businesses where my lower level of German would not be a hinderance. While a couple opportunities came to light, they did not work out in the end.

From the beginning, we believed the Lord would keep us in Switzerland. We both felt our work here was not (is not) finished, and the Lord had something more for us to do. Once Mayla was born and her heart condition discovered, we became more convinced of this. Then we learned that Mayla would have all medical services related to her heart condition covered 100% under a supplementary insurance provided by the state and we became more convinced. Then we witnessed the outpouring of love and support of so many, all the amazing stories we heard, the testimony of our family that was coming out of the situation, and we became even more convinced. Interesting thing about convincing yourself of something before truly consulting the Lord about His plans...

From the beginning, again, I have said that "if" I can't find a full-time job we will have to go back to the U.S. The danger in a statement like this is that the enemy can use it, big time, to convince me that somehow I failed by not being able to lock down a job. Truth is, we are not going back to America because I couldn't find a job. We are going back because the Lord is calling us back, and this brings excitement, hope, and peace.

At the time He spoke, I was praying about the next steps to take regarding establishing a ministry for teenagers in the Zürich area. The Lord has given me a heart for youth ministry over the last 4 years and gave me an idea/vision for a particular ministry. I had met and spoken with people I know, love, and trust and was planning other meetings to discuss this prospect and the potential for establishing it in Zürich. On October 27, around mid-day, I was praying about next steps, what exactly He wanted us to do, and moving forward with this ministry, that is when he answered with Mark 5:19.

Initially I had a feeling of disbelief, a bit of comfort, and if I'm honest, fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what happens for Mayla and her heart & insurance coverage, fear because the economy in the U.S. isn't doing so well... Though I didn't ask, as I continued reading and praying, He answered my questions with six little words in Mark 5:36, "Don't be afraid. Just trust me."

No, to continue with the honesty, this isn't exactly the type of answer to questions and fears that most people are looking for. The fact is though, it's truth, and it's what I needed. It would be easy for me (us) to be afraid of the unknown, Keri and I are both planners so this would actually be real easy. Faith however, isn't always "easy". It's not always the easy thing to trust someone you can't see and touch to make sure everything is going to be "okay". However, given what we have witnessed the first three weeks of Mayla's life, we have no reason not to trust, not to believe, not to have faith. Not only do we have no reason, but we have no business.

He has cared for us and looked out for us in ways I could never have imagined. He met every one of our needs, and more, while Mayla was in the hospital. For example, I needed to be at the hospital with Keri. Both jobs I was up for would have had me working while Mayla was in the hospital. Praise God! We needed to make sure we were being nourished with food but our living arrangements didn't really allow for us to shop and store food in our room. Through our church family we never had to think about where are we going to eat or do we have enough groceries or where is the nearest grocery store. When Keri was desperately broken after seeing Mayla the first time with tubes/wires/machines/etc., she needed to know it would be okay. He gave Keri a look from her daughter. We needed to know it would all be okay, He gave Mayla a miraculous recovery. He also provided incredibly generous and loving monetary gifts from our church family to help cover additional costs associated with living away from home. He had our health insurance carrier pay 100% of the room costs for staying at the hospital. He provided supplemental insurance that covers 100% of anything associated with Mayla's condition at no cost to us. I could go on but I don't think it's necessary at this point.

The fact is, he has continuously met our needs and more over these last two months. Beyond that, when we sit down and reflect on our lives together here in Switzerland we see how he has met everyone of our needs and more. Even further, we each can see the hand of God guiding us, directing our paths, even in our own disobedience and selfishness, never leaving us, nor forsaking us. He has always been there for us, and we have no doubt he will as we take these next steps of faith. Sure it would be easy to worry, wonder, fear, doubt, but it doesn't make sense. It's completely illogical given what we have seen and experienced. So we step out in faith, trusting in His guidance, believing He will land us in a place better than we could have imagined, and certainly better than we could plan ourselves. Sure we have questions and wonder what it will be like, where we will go, and when we will get there, but we know in the end, regardless of what it is, it can't get any better.

Pray with us as we continue to seek His counsel and guidance on where to go, where to look for jobs, which/what types of jobs to look for, who to connect with, which boat to buy (you had to know we are going water-skiing at some point; don't worry though, we'll wait until we are settled with a job and stuff first), etc. Leaving Switzerland is extremely bittersweet for us. This has been my home for over 4-1/2 years and Keri's for over 7. We would both like to stay as there is so much more we would like to do. But we also recognize now the importance of taking Mayla's story on the road, sharing it with our friends, old and eventually the new. He will do great things and we are excited to be a part of it.

Over the next weeks and months we will be posting occasionally about the things we will miss, as well as some things we are excited about. We are compiling that list now and are looking forward to sharing it with you all. Our time here has been a great adventure, and one that isn't over yet. While we will be sure to take advantage of every opportunity we can while here, we also look forward to the adventure to come. Thank you for being a part of all this with us.

Thursday was a big day

I awoke with excitement, and anxiousness and a bit of nervousness Thursday morning. Yes that's how i normally wake up since having a 'fire cracker' on our hands, but Thursday, it was heightened! It was the day of Mayla's first check up at the Children's hospital! Which also meant our first time going back there since we left on September 27th.

The walk up to the building held many emotions, but mostly what was consuming my mind at that moment was where and when should I feed my daughter. I had no idea how long the appointment was going to be but I knew we needed to get some food in her beforehand. I went and registered her and found out the appointment was not going to start for another 30 minutes, so thankfully time was on our hands. We immediately began warming the bottle and I started praying it would go well, especially since they had mentioned her appointment was going to last about an hour and 45 minutes!

Not sure if you remember from previous posts, but Mayla is NOT a bottle drinker. She did okay in the hospital when she had too, but once she started realizing that I could be the main source, she said, "NO more to that, give me JUST mommy"! So each time it's a bottle moment (which are usually at pretty important times) I get a little nervous. But Sweet Mayla stepped it up and proved that she could do it, and I was praising the Lord.

As we were walking down the hallways to the hospital, I was flooded with a mixed bag of feelings. I still couldn't believe this was our little girl we were taking for a heart check up, it all still seemed like a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from. We walked into the cardiology station and I was reminded of when I first came into this room and I wanted to cry. Our first trip here was when we were in Neo Natal, it was one of the first times I could walk with my daughter, cradling her in my arms, and today I was doing the same thing. Trying to bring her peace before she would once again be placed on an examination table to be poked, prodded and scanned! I told her over and over it was going to be okay, and that mommy and daddy would take her home that day and not leave her in the hospital. I wonder what she can remember from those first three weeks, if anything. She had a look about her like she knew the place. Another baby was screaming, and she seemed to have a look of care on her face, machines beeped at one point and she seemed to have a look of familiarity upon her, like she knew that noise. When she was laying on the table to be examined, she would just stare up at the heat lamp, and her mind seemed to be trying to figure things out.

First on the agenda was checking her oxygen levels, heart rate, pulse, weight, and height. We could lay our girl on the big examining table, she looked lost in the 'bigness' of everything, but yet she looked so so strong and confident! She laid there in her diaper, her scar sticking out and for a moment it was all I could focus on. They attached the heart rate monitor to her foot and I was taken back to the ICU. I was remembering when the machines would beep and beep and beep, and they would always first look to see if the monitor was attached properly to her foot. They would some times have to readjust it and would wait to see if that took care of the problem. My heart always felt like it would stop in those moments, wondering if it would pick up a strong signal again, or if they would start running around franticly looking for a doctor. Today the machine was beeping, but it wasn't because of anything 'wrong' per say, but only because one active little girl who would not stop moving long enough to allow for a good reading. It's like she is making up for the first 3 weeks when she was on drugs and barely moved, she is now telling the world that things work, she's healthy, and she's going to prove it, she seriously does not hold still! The nurse tried holding down her leg, but our little squirmy wormy found a way to keep the machine from getting an accurate reading and then the nurse asked if I could pick her up to try and get her to 'calm herself'. I held her little leg in my arm while pulling her close to my chest in hopes that it would work, and it thankfully did! I now how those hospital people work and I was afraid they would give her sleepy drugs if she didn't cooperate (actually is it wrong to wish they had so I could have taken the left overs home). The nurse finished attaching wires and reading all the machines and uttered the sweetest words, 'Oxygen levels are at a 100%!' I rejoiced and praised the Lord. Since being home I had wondered daily if she was getting enough, if her random crying spells were becuase she was suffering, or her days looking like an albino turkey were because she was not at optimal levels, but here she was, 100%!

The doctor came in and it was fun to see a 'familiar' face. She knew us, she knew our story and she knew our journey and most importantly, she knew sweet baby Mayla! She took us to another room where they had an ultrasound machine ready to go. I laid Mayla on the table and they applied the big glob of gel, and for a while (what felt like hours in my mind) she laid there, so still as if she knew the drill. I was so proud of her, especially since she had not had a proper nap all day and people kept putting things on her and moving her and touching her, she was doing great! Unfortunately that didn't last the whole appointment (it takes them a while to see and find what they are looking for, especially since Mayla's heart is 'different', things aren't in the same place as on a 'normal baby'). She started to get fussy and the doctor said if she continues she'll get some sugar water, I think Mayla heard this and took her fussing to a new level of all out crying. Sure enough, the doctor went and got sugar water and one squirt of that into her mouth and the crying stopped. If you wonder some day why my child is addicted to sugar, it's nothing we as parents have done, but what the hospital staff has done:) After a bit more fussing, and some more sugar water, Mayla finally gave into her tiredness and closed her eye lids (such a sweet sight) and the doctor was able to finish the exam and once again utter such sweet words, 'everything looks great'! THANK YOU JESUS!!!! She also said that from her side as of now, there is no reason why Mayla can not live a 'normal life' and run and play like all the other kids! I was glad to hear this as i don't think there is ANY stopping this child from going 110%!

The nurse came back in and hooked up some wires to Mayla's chest, taped them down good and then gave us the 'little black box' to take home with us that would record her heart for 24 hours. She once again got another pretty fish net shirt to keep everything in place. This time though it wasn't too big for her, it was actually too small, and I was reminded of the first time she had one of those on and seemed so frail. Today she looked so big and strong. The nurse then had to remove some stickers that were placed on her with what seemed like gorilla glue and the best way to do it was to spray freezing cold air onto the skin as she peeled them off, and awake our daughter was....again! We were given instructions on what to do with the black box after 24 hours and instructed to write down everything Mayla was doing during those 24 hours. Every time she slept, write it down, every time she ate, write it down, every time she cried, write it down. Some times I wondered if this isn't so much a heart scan, but they attach those to the children so they can see how the parents are doing and I kept thinking there was a hidden sound device inside!

We took our little warrior, who almost seemed to have a time bomb hooked up to her by the way this ECG device looked, and out the door we went, getting a green light until the next check up in 2 months. They will read the ECG in the next week and if we don't hear anything, then that means everything looks good, so hopefully we don't hear anything!

I look at Mayla now, and I don't see a baby with a heart problem, I only see Jesus' love. Mayla is perfect and I am so thankful for the miraculous healing that has taken place in her and continues to take place daily!

Mayla checking out the alto familiar heat lamp.

Despite being held down she must think this is fun.

Trying to distract her during the ultra-sound.

Sure do enjoy the effects of sugar water.

A much deserved nap. She was OUT after all the hospital fun.