We walked in for our echo appointment and sat in our typical seats. Close to the window for a wonderful view of downtown. I'm always glad that they are timely with our appointments as sitting in the waiting room is one place my mind tends to get me! We walked down the hallway and like usual I prayed we wouldn't be in the same room as we were always for Arabella, and when we turned the corner for the back rooms, I let out a sigh of relief (I wonder if they have it marked in Red on the chart not to take couple to Room XY or Z). The rad tech was one we had never met and upon further questioning found out she specialized in heart echos; always nice to know you're in the hands of a specialist. The main focus of this appointment was growth and heart. After having a daughter with her heart switched around it's a risk and a main focus for them as the chances increase of having it again. The room is silent, the anticipation high, the longings intense, you can almost feel all of us holding our breath as she piles on the goop and grabs the transducer. The feel of Will's warm touch on my shoulder is comforting as I uttered the words, 'Thy will be done', Thy will be done, Thy will be done.'
It was almost as if Baby Zek knew what was coming, she woke up fiercely and started to move, I was afraid all her acrobatics in my belly was going to make it difficult to get the measurements and images we needed, but it was the most amazing moment that brings me to tears as I type. She was lying breech and in the most perfect position for them to get incredible views of the heart. For once we have a child who was cooperating for an ultrasound, even with all her bouncing about she stayed perfectly positioned. The movement was a God hug, and each time she fluttered about my heart smiled.
As I type this, I'm not sure how i'm still alive as I felt like I was laying on that ultrasound table, holding my breathe. I tried counting all four chambers of the heart and had the feeling of being stationed on a teeter-totter. One second affirming my own lack of ultrasound knowledge realizing I had NO idea what I was looking at, and the next second confident I had seen this enough that I knew 'exactly' what to look for. They label every image they capture with short hand in mostly a yellow font, it's hard not to sit there and just wait for them to change the font to red, I know they don't do that, but that's what i'm usually thinking, just waiting in the silence for something to be a red flag.
And then it happened; our rad tech focused in on the overview of the heart, and went from mentioning medical jargon to simply saying, 'it's beautiful, it's absolutely beautiful'. That was all I needed to hear and I felt my lungs fill again with a huge breath of air. Baby Zek kept on bouncing as if she was celebrating at the news being given to our ears. I know I wanted to jump up off that table and do a happy dance all the way up and down those halls and I wanted to hug that lady for saying something instead of making us wait. In my breathe I uttered, 'Her heart is beautiful, thank you Jesus, her heart is beautiful, thank you Jesus.'
I wish you could all have been in that room with us. I've searched for words to try and describe it from the viewpoint of that bed while staring up at a black and white screen and feel inadequate. Rainbow Grace Baby Ellis, as Mayla likes to call her, an absolute miracle, 24 weeks, only a pound and 8 ounces and being examined head to toe while inside my belly, an absolute amazement! Ultrasound pics are way fun and have been underrated by me until Arabella, but when you have laid on the table for image after image after image, 80 to 90 to upwards of 120 of them you have a new appreciation for technology and the little life that's developing inside of you. And to think some people dub that as 'not yet a life yet' is dumbfounding to me.
We were also scheduled to meet with a pediatric cardiologist who would look over all the images and talk with us and shortly after she announced the beautifulness of our daughter's heart he walked in. He was thorough and precise and I liked that. He even took time to move the images in slow motion so he could try and show us how the heart was set up perfectly. He was describing the anatomy of the heart to us and showing up pieces of the heart puzzle....ON our daughter, who is INSIDE my womb, WHO was bouncing all over and weighs in at 1lb 8 ounces. I was awe struck. He showed us this insanely tiny piece of the heart that is just hanging out, floating around in the heart, that once after the child is born and starts breathing on their own is moved into it's permanent place which he showed us right where that was too and can you believe this piece seriously was already crafted perfectly for that spot?!. All I could think as he was describing this to us was, "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13 We serve a God that knows us, loves us, made us. And it's this same Man that died on the cross for us because he loves us too much to leave us where we were. This Man who created baby Zek so incredibly perfectly, created Arabella so perfectly, and Mayla so perfectly that can be trusted with my life and my children's lives. From ultrasound to ultrasound I have seen how he's knitted her together and what a glorious viewpoint it's been. It hasn't come without tears but it's because of our story that I get to know this daughter more than most parents get to know theirs before they are born. I have heard her heart beat echo through the monitors and ring through my ears, I have seen flap after flap after flap of her heart as it's pumping and have laid watching her move for hours now, jabbing and kicking at my insides and have seen her sweet hands tucked up against her face as she continues to grow for God's glory.
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| hands under chin and finger close to mouth, our sweet bundled looking amazing |
