The song 'Great are you Lord' by Sons and Daughters is one my favorite. The lyrics get me every time.
You give life, You are love
You bring light to the darkness
You give hope, You restore
Every heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise to You only
Our story ends with a baby in our arms, I realize this is not everyone's story! The longing for a tiny miracle some mommies carry with them their whole lives, NEVER fulfilled and for some families the loss never ends, it's one after the other and I'm SOOO SOOO very sorry. This life is not fair and the hurt and pain is deep. God wants to meet you in that pain and help you carry it. He IS THE HOPE and the ONLY one who can restore every heart that is broken whether it's over a child, a spouse, a family member, a business or an illness, Great is the Lord!
A while ago during my devo's I came across this poem.
"The flowers live by the tears that fallFrom the sad face of the skies;
And life would have no joys at all,
Were there no watery eyes.
Love the sorrow, for grief will bring
Its own reward in the later years;
THE rainbow!! See how fair a thing
God has build up from tears."
Oh how my tears have fallen over the years (and still do to this day). With the celebration of Zella's first birthday I would love to say it's brought about all kinds of warm fuzzies and joyous moments, but it's been hard too. I've realized that she will forever be in the shadows of a sister she never knew. As the milestones come, so do the tears over the one who we never had enough time with that came before her. The more I wanted to celebrate Zella the more I found myself longing for Arabella, this was NOT something I was anticipating and hit me out of left field. Part of me wanted to share for other mommies who may be starting this journey and not only warn you, but let you know IT"S OK! Parenthood is tough whether you have a living child or a deceased child or a mix of both. AND IT'S OK to reach out and admit how you feel about it all! I struggled as I wasn't understanding what was happening. Here is this amazing little girl I have and all I want is the one back I don't have. Proof for everyone reading too that NO child will ever replace a lost baby. The void is still there and some times greater!
Zella has taught me so much in the last year, some lessons I'm learning quicker than others. I've learned how much grace I need to offer myself and just BE in the moment I'm in. I've learned that I seriously have an OCD problem and my Type A personality is sometimes louder than the screams and 'mommy calls' from my children. I've learned that perfectionism is not something to attain but something to leave permanently crossed off the to-do list as it will never be attained, but instead to strive for optimism in all I do (still working on this BIG TIME). I've learned the importance of saying 'yes' to help and asking for help. People LOVE to help others, so why squash that. Try accepting someone's offer this week or reach out and ask for help. I've learned how important communication is and the DRASTIC importance of putting my husband first above my children. I fell in love with him first before the kids came, so I need to keep that theme throughout my every day! WOW is this tough. I love how having kids refines who I am in Jesus and points out how far I still have to go.
Zella is a gift from above and she has been an awesome addition to our imperfect family. She is so happy and curious and occasionally snuggly. She loves books and hide and seek and playing in Mayla's room. And she loves to distract me, what she's the best at!
Life is a rocky hilly joyous beautiful mess and I'm glad God picked me to be Will's wife, Mayla's mom, Arabella's mom and Zella's mom! And I'm glad in God's word it says that He will NEVER leave or forsake me, because without HIM I would be LOST!
Photos By: Memories By Mandy THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!
