The life of our precious little Miracle, Part 1

August 18th, 2015, 7:52pm at night. I sent a text message to my sisters and mom: "Be on red alert tonight. My stomach has been a ROCK allll day today, and i'm having lots of spotting and being super no patience mom. I'm begging God she doesn't come tonight, but things are pointing towards her wanting to."

8:01pm I was confined to the couch and 'trying' to make the signs of labor go away. HA!

Aug 18th, 10:51pm My sister Kelli came to get Mayla and I was in bed with Lavender oil smeared ALL over my abdomen, and diffusing above my face to try and slow the train down, (clearly a lesson on 'controlling' would have been helpful within that moment when my brain seemed to stop working). Thirty minutes later, I was up realizing that with contractions coming 6-10 minutes apart there was NO sleep that was going to be happening for me.

August 18th, 11:51pm text message to my sissys and mom: "Will most likely be going to the hospital in a bit (letting Will get some sleep while I gain some serious encouragement, motivation and support from FB which has blown up and people's support is a gift to me right now, I seriously feel like a giant on top of a mountain right now, full of peace and abounding in strength). Contractions are 6-10 minutes apart but not painful at all. Hospital already knows i'm coming in. I don't want to be turned away like I was with Mayla, so i'm just chillin'. Love you all. Get some sleep, someone will have to be in good form:)"

August 19th, 12:28am, "On our way".

Aug 19th, 1:07am text message: "Dilated to almost 4cms. Staying. Decided against pitocin for now to see how she progresses on her own. Contractions are starting to feel like contractions. Heart beat is strong. Big praise right now!!!! Pray for peace as this was not OUR plan!!!! We didn't even bring our bags In cuz we didn't think we would be staying."

August 19th, Middle of the morning, admitted into the room, the room we visited, the room we dreaded, the room we had anticipated saying hello and goodbye to our daugher in. The room brought comfort, excitement and pain in the same breathe. I remember laying in that hospital bed, trying to rest and relax and MAD at God; "Remember God WE had a PERFECT plan in place?"..... I was scheduled to be induced on a Thursday, one week before her original due date. We had a team that was going to be there from Gift of life, we wanted to donate any part of her that would qualify to help other babies have a chance at life, we needed to make arrangements for Mayla and a photographer, and of course to help family members have a plan too and have a chance at my doctor being able to deliver her. It was a perfect plan in MY mind. WHY GOD? WHY GOD? WHY GOD? I screamed out, wondering if he had forgotten me, did my voice not matter to him any more? Had I asked for too much? God where are you now? I need you!!!!!!! Then I heard God say, "Seriously my dear child, you are going to complain about 'YOUR plan' not working out? What about surrendering, what about submitting, what about trusting in me above all else? "You are so right God," I said, "please forgive me.'"My favorite bible verse says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths." I was doing a horrible job of living that out and in that moment, I celebrated being there and surrendered every detail to Him, Jesus YOU are my all in all! Shortly after that a lady nurse walked in who was from the Anesthesia team. She heard of our situation and came to pray with us. God cared, and God was showing up in different ways to let me know that he in fact did NOT forget about me. I needed others praying for me and with me, and God knew that! God placed us at the hospital on the perfect day and at the perfect time, and I was beginning to see that.

sissy trying to bring me comfort

Around 7am I was dilated to a 6 and decided it was time for an epidural, I had been awake for over 24 hours and knew I would need all the help possible. Shortly after getting one,  I started to feel extremely sick and my blood pressure was tanking. It was very frustrating and part of my birth story I will never understand. Wasn't what I was about to go through going to be hard enough, let alone this extra pain I had to experience? I was so sick, and so impatient, and once again, begging God to take it away from me. I felt weak. The holy spirit was strong though, and the prayers of so many were felt! My amazing nurse was working like crazy to help me feel any relief, and help me from going crazy. She was simply incredible, and a gift from God! I can't believe I was complaining earlier in the morning about my timing vs. God's timing, he knows what's going on, and he knew EXACTLY who I needed to be my nurses at every stage of the game.

ONE of the many amazing nurses, when she couldn't be found, no one thought to check the room right next store, she was in loving on Mayla. SERVANTS heart! She will never know how much of a gift she was. 

It felt like days, but the extremely sick feeling finally left, and the contractions slowed...take the positive with the negative. During this 'waiting' phase it was brought to my attention that by some crazy 'chance' (ha), I know better, my doctor was scheduled to be at the hospital that morning and was going to swing by and visit with me! Instant tears. How cool is God? I was pumped to see her, it brought me peace and there was even talk that she had a few things to do and might be around for the delivery. I prayed, and thanked God for the hope as I was NOT such a fan of the doctor who was on the floor that day. You know how there are really great people in this world, but yet you just don't click with them? That was me with him...he was super nice, but something just didn't click for me and this was a birth that I wanted as much 'clicking' as possible!

They kept checking me and things were not progressing as well as we all hoped, during one check even they thought Arabella had turned breech. It took every bit of my will, energy, and work of the Holy Spirit to NOT freak out at that moment! Arabella had been head down for months, seriously could it be? What would delivering her this way look like? I had no time to research, and as I laid in bed contemplating how it could have happened, I thought to myself, 'This could be a good thing, if her head doesn't come first, there might be a better chance of her being born alive, I surrender that to

my face when I saw my amazing photographer friend

God and laid patiently waiting for confirmation from the doctor. We didn't have a baby heart monitor on me much, so part of me was smiling when the nurse told me she thought she felt Arabella kick her, and that's why she thought she was breech. I was just pumped to know she was still alive! The doctor confirmed Arabella was not breech and I was actually elated! God's got this! During this time another amazing thing happened, my amazing photographer friend was able to show up! I felt like God was holding me tight and hanging out in the room with us!

We needed to break my water so that things would start moving, however I had heard it's better with an Anencephalic baby to prick the sac instead so that it doesn't rupture, but just 'leaks'! So after searching high and low, they found the appropriate needle and pricked! And who do you think performed this, MY DOCTOR! GOD was showing up ALLLL over the place...remember how bummed I was about 'MY plan' not working out! HA....His plans are so much better! Within a short time the leak was proving to be successful and Arabella was cruising down the birth canal! I was overjoyed at the thought of meeting her, seeing her, holding her and kissing her! We just kept praying! For months we had been pleading with God that she would take ONE breath so that she would qualify for donating, this prayer remained the same hours and minutes before she was born. I had peace, Gods will be done!

By the time I was dilated and ready to go, rumor had it my doctor was STILL in the building. I was smiling so big inside, God was making it happen! However, when I was MORE than ready to start pushing, she was nowhere to be found and not walking through the doors like I had hoped!  It felt like the longest minutes of my life! When she finally walked in I wanted to scream out in jubilation. Nine months of waiting, 189 days since we found out about her condition, 4,536 hours of celebrating her and figuring out at the same time, how we would say goodbye; and the moment was now here! Nothing, no thought, no words, no song could ever have prepared me for that moment!

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!