Genetic testing results are in....

(Wrote majority of this Monday night)
We have been eating a LOT of ice cream lately at our house. Our freezer is constantly stocked with it and if we for some reason run out, Walgreens is close by. Ice cream has become late night therapy, right, wrong or otherwise, it's been happening and it's been yummy! I'm eating some now, not just any ice cream though, stracciatella gelato. Tonight, after everything that has happened, this splurge was well worth it.

I was talking with my uncle today and he reminded me of the verse "Though He slay me, I will hope in Him. Nevertheless I will argue my ways before Him." Job 13:15 You ever watch one of those movies where someone is getting the snot beat out of them and they just lay there, surrendering but the hits keep coming....that's how I feel lately. I'm throwing up the white flag, waving it frantically back and forth, but the hits keep coming.

Fun started with Mayla on Thursday as she completely poohed through her outfit in the waiting room of the ENT's office, requiring a complete outfit change in the car, this was the beginning of her going down hill and a long day/night! Friday morning my heart was beating fast and a surge of emotions flooded me as I had reason to believe that we had Lost baby Nani which sent me in for an emergency heart beat check.  Turned out to be a false alarm and the heart beat was heard loud and clear. While there I also FINALLY got the genetic testing results back and out of the four that were scanned (it was by no means a full comprehensive test), they found NO abnormalities. PRAISE GOD!!!!! This was such a relief and answer to prayer! And yes, they did tell us the sex of the baby, but that news will have to wait a few more days;o) Saturday Mayla was on the upswing and I decided an outing to the local grocery store, Meijer, might bring some joy to our day, BOY WAS I WRONG!!! In line she had a MASSIVE diarrhea blow OUT, UP the back, OUT the pull up and down the seat of the cart onto none other than the toilet paper in the cart (and yes I tried to clean it as best as I could but this is ONE reason it's VERY important to always use the courtesy purel wipes they offer by the shopping carts..EEK). I was annoyed, stressed, frustrated and beyond broke by this point. Changing her in the car as she cried out to to me left me forgetting that she belongs to the Lord, and one angry mamma bear came raging out. I cried all the way home, begging God for forgiveness as I had been so angry with Him and BEGGING Him for a break from the beating! His answer was different than I wanted. Mayla started throwing up at 2:30 am Sunday morning and after 17 gut wrenching times of throwing a bucket in front of her face or sprinting to the bathroom with her, it finally stopped while we were at the Children's hospital in the early afternoon. She was limp, lifeless and laid motionless on the couch before we took her in, we had been kicking Satan out of our house, out of Mayla's room and for him to leave her with no answer. Will and I begged God to spare her and instead put it on one of us. As we were discussing this, we realized Mayla was our weakness, and Satan was trying to go through her to get to us. Seeing the look in her eyes every time she was throwing up was another blow to my side....Mayla showed some form of life today and the optimism returned, only to once more be beat down as the diarrhea increased late this afternoon and the fever returned just before putting her to bed! I sit here in tears, worn thin emotionally and spiritually drained. Those of you who feel helpless by only offering praying, I honestly feel like it's your prayers that are upholding us, and helping me get out of bed each morning, so thank you! The cards, texts, email's, messages, scriptures, and meals have meant more to us then you will ever know! It's hard to belief that this journey is only going to get tougher as the weeks go on.

In talking to many of you I have mentioned how I have a breaking point and some days I don't reach that point (I like those days), other days i'm broken from the moment I turn the light on to start the day. This song is close to my heart and literally on my mind daily...

Jermey Riddle. Sweetly Broken

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You've called me out of death
You've called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I'm reconciled

Chorus:
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

I've been drawn to my knees, and sweetly broken, but I cling to the cross and know that God is love and believe in his faithfulness. It could be easy to run from him, feeling let down, alone and lost, but I personally believe he wants all this to be a part of our story for a reason, He has NOT left me, He will NEVER leave me and just because life is hard doesn't mean He doesn't love me. Despite the pain, the trials, the sufferings, He has done more for me than I could ever comprehend, and for that I will never leave His side.

Silver lining of Mayla being sick, the snuggles

She's been so cold lately, we put her lion costume on (per her request) and snuggled up. 

YUMMY Gelato...