It is finished...

Shout to the Lord; all the earth; break out in praise and sing for joy!!!!! Psalm 98:4

We thought when we lost her last friday that it was the hardest day of our life, then we thought the heaven party was one of the hardest days of our life, we are now claiming today to have been one of the hardest days, the day we buried her; yet so beautiful and so peaceful all at once! Oh to lay a child into the ground, not the way the cycle is supposed to work. We wanted one more look, one more glance, one more touch, one more kiss to those sweet cheeks, one more smell. Honestly I wanted to put her in our car and drive around. I wanted to keep her from going into the ground, the ground finalized it is finished. I wanted to scream out, I WANTED MORE! I WANT MORE! GOD OH GOD!!!!!!!!! Will and I prayed, "God be near, GOD let us know you are here, WE NEED YOU! We can't move an inch without you GOD! If you're going to do this, hold us now, walk beside us. Weeping at her graveside I surrendered....again! Surrendered my every move, my every thought, my every tear, my every fear. GOD BE NEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TODAY SUCKED! No parent should EVER have to do what we did, if you have walked this road, we are SORRY! This sucks because like what Pastor Kevin said today, we were NOT created for this. It's awkward, doesn't feel good, and it's uncomfortable. And it DOES SUCK! When God created us, he did not intend for us to suffer, but Man sinned, and so suffering entered into this world. God didn't leave us without help though. He sent his Son to die for us, His ONE and only son, so that WE can be free, live eternally, with NO PAIN! He also gave us His holy word, the Bible, what a gift!!! "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed". Psalm 34:18. GOD BE NEAR!!!!!!!!!!!

Seeing Will carry his daughter's casket (aka Pack n Play as Mayla calls it), destroyed every

fiber of mine. I wanted to see him carrying HER, not her casket, he has been called to be a father, and here he was carrying his precious daughter to her gravesite. GOD BE NEAR!!!!!!! 

The casket lay on a table, loved ones around, markers available for the cousins to decorate and write notes on, and beautiful words flowed from the mouths of the ones who shared! We built each other up, we thanked each other, and we praised one another for being what God wanted them to be! We glorified God!! Kristen said in her speech last night that we were 'difference
makers'. I believe all of you, the readers, the supporters, the prayer warriors, the blog sharers, the ones talking to others are included in that...YOU my friends are difference makers too, and we truly THANK YOU for helping Arabella's ripple effect continue! We want to hug you all!!! As much as this road has sucked, we have seen and felt the church coming together,

AMAZING to experience this; the church of Christ acting the way a church is suppose to act. If you have been hurt by the church in some way shape or form, I’m extremely sorry, it can happen and it breaks my heart, know that the way we have seen our church body rally around us (twice now, once for Mayla and now for this), that’s what a church body is all about!!!! GOD CARES, and it feels incredible!!! GOD BE NEAR!!!!!!

As I type this I want to run back to the cemetery, it's right down the street, literally, 1/3 of mile, .5km away. I want to lay by her, the dirt is still soft, the earth lightly thrown over her. She's so close, but yet for a new mommy, she's not close enough!!! GOD BE NEAR!!!!!!

Today through the tears we celebrated too, remember, celebrate EVERYTHING! Arabella Nani Ellis is healed, pain free, complete, dancing, no more anencephaly.

This was reason to celebrate and reason to remove Baby Nani Bear's bandaids that were put on months and months ago.  We used this bear as a way to try and explain to Mayla months ago about Baby Nani's diagnosis of Anencephaly. We told her at that time that God would heal Arabella one of two ways, either by performing a miracle of complete healing when she was born, or taking her home to heaven, and at that time we would remove the bandaids. Well, surprisingly the toddler who played with this bear, and slept with this bear left the bandaids on the whole time, but today we were gifted the chance to remove them! PRAISE BE TO GOD, Arabella is whole!!!! GOD BE NEAR!!!!!!

It was a moving experience. We talked, we shared, we prayed, we cried, we laughed, we joked. We ran the spectrum of emotions today. All of it, of course, culminating with Will laying Arabella's casket in the grave, and filling dirt on top. Will will (haha, I chuckle everytime I hear or say that) tell you that this was the hardest and worst thing he's ever had to do. He lay Arabella in the grave, visualizing her beautiful face as he lay the casket in. He broke down in that moment because this was the end, as if the end hadn't already come, but there is a different finality to it now. It was shared that a Jewish tradition is to, initially anyway, shovel dirt into the gravesite with the back of the shovel because it symbolized the difficulty and hesitation in the act. Will was the first to grab the shovel and experienced both of those feelings, the challenge and hesitation, again the toughest thing he's had to do. We remained by the grave as it was filled in and simply cried, the three of us wrapped in each others arms, all of us weeping. It is finished. GOD BE NEAR!!!!!!!!

We ended our time with lunch at our house with immediate family. It was a joyous time; kids playing in the house and the yard, laughing, screaming, running, having fun, celebrating life, family, togetherness. Adults told stories, shared their hearts, cried, laughed; celebrated everything! Arabella had a major impact on our family, and maybe you and yours too. She has been used to touch and bless more people in 9 months and 45 hours, than most of us will in a lifetime. She leaves an amazing legacy and we are honored that we were chosen to carry her through this time. We are thankful that we have a Heavenly Father who carried us through this time. GOD BE NEAR!!!!!!!!!!

What the coming days, weeks, and months look like we do not know. We do know Arabella's imprint is forever etched in our hearts, in our minds, in our family, and we will never forget her. She will hold a special place in all of our hearts until we meet her again. And that's the beauty of this story, while it is finished, from an earthly perspective, this isn't the end. It feels like it sometimes, it might even look like it. But we know there is more. We know we will be reunited. We know that we will hug her, kiss her, love on her, and do eternal life with her, God promises this to us. So while it is the end of her time here, her spirit remains, her legacy remains, and we look forward, with hopeful anticipation, to the time that we do life with her again. TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!!!!!

Arguably the most beautiful and joyous looking casket to be laid in the ground.

GOD BE NEAR!!!!

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Rev 21:4

GOD BE NEAR

"From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2

GOD BE NEAR

"But in my distress I cried out to the LORD; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears." Psalm 18:6

GOD BE NEAR!!

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, yes, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10