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| Swiss Hot chocolate goes with ALL types of grief, especially when it's snowing out |
My morning was a gift from God. A special mama friend brought me starbucks and drove with me to visit Arabella. This mama friend gets it, as we share a piece of heaven together as our daughters sit on Jesus' lap side by side! I have been dreading the first snow fall. It's the mommy in me. I don't want the ground above her to be snow covered, I don't want the ground around her to freeze. To think of her sweet little body laying in the cold beneath is hard for me, and harder as the snow falls and a white blanket is laid on top. I keep thinking of her wrapped in the pure white soft blanket and how bad I want her in my arms. Today is grief, today is raw!
Three months ago we lost her. The change of seasons is hard. Grief is hard.
The snow is beautiful and Mayla is a reminder to me that God is love! Being the first snow fall today, she didn't allow me to sit and wallow for long. She is a good distraction.....most of the time!
A sweet sweet friend had the remaining fabric from Arabella's pants and hat knit into a blanket. I want to carry this with me on my shoulder or in my arms wherever I go. It's the same fabric she has touching her body....it's all made from the same thread, this sweet friend will never know how special this gift is to me! I feel like it's the invisible string attaching me to Arabella. I found myself loading the dishes into the dishwasher today with it strewn over my shoulder, it comforted me!
Job 1:21 "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; May the name of the Lord be praised!" I will rise up and Praise his Name for he is GREAT and worthy of praise. Yes he has taken my daughter with him to Heaven, but he is the same God today, as he was before he took her as he will be tomorrow! GOD IS GOOD! GOD IS HOPE!
Keri, I am not even sure how I came across your blog, but I believe there was a reason. I just want to thank you for sharing your story of what beautiful grace God is and how mighty His works are! I cannot imagine what your family is going through and I am so sorry for your loss here on earth. Arabella's story is I believe an unspoken story of so many children who never got to see or hear their mother & fathers breath and words, because of society's "worth" that they feel they have on an unborn life. Praise God you didn't listen to society, but God alone. There is value in every life! May you continue to heal & be beyond blessed. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHi Rebecca, thank you so much for taking the time to write, it means so much to us to read your comment. God bless you. -Keri
DeleteKeri, a friend sent me the link to your blog and I can't thank you enough for sharing. My son and his significant other received the news at their first ultrasound last week that their baby boy has Anencephaly. She is 26 weeks and they've chosen to continue on as long as God allows. As a first time grandparent I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this. It's comforting to read your story and would appreciate any advice or information that you could give me that would be helpful as we await and anticipate our little guy's entrance and sudden departure in the near future.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, thank you for being brave and reaching out, well done!!!! Thank you for your kind words, support from one person who has been there to another is SOO helpful, please feel free to pass along my email to your son and significant other, in case I can be of any help. There is also a closed anencephaly group on FB that I HIGHLY recommend, if you are FB, you should join too, there are a lot of 'grandparents' that pop in and they learn a lot and it's VERY supportive. Anencephaly.info. The one thing we did that I LOVE LOVE LOVE and I never would have thought about it, was we made a ton of memorabilia at the hospital while she was alive we did some, but more after she passed, it was such a special time of painting her feet and hands and putting hand prints over EVERYTHING. I forgot what paint we got, but it's been through the wash MANY times and still held up. I have shirts, placemats, pillow cases, hand towels and MANY other great things that I cherish. We did a 3D foot mold of her feet and hands, they are tricky but it was so worth it. Reach out to Hospice now, they were extremely helpful for us and someone else who understood loss. There are also people who make hats on FB for free for Anen babies and I would recommend contacting one of them for a hat...we really struggled with hats and I didn't know about the special Anen ones before we delivered and I wished I had a few as we could not find ANY hat that worked! Take family photos...hire a photographer, or bring in a friend that's good with the camera and can take ones. We have 200 plus photos of EVERYONE holding her which we cherish and I then turned around and made christmas ornaments for everyone! MEMORIES MEMORIES MEMORIES! It's a hard hard time, and I don't wish it upon ANYONE, but was also the most beautiful time too! Don't stop checking in with your son and the his significant other, even 4-6-9 months down the road. If you live in the same town as them set up a meal plan for after she delivers, the things people think are 'easy' in life all of sudden become the hardest things EVER. Some days breathing felt hard! Congrats, and Praise God they are carrying for as long as God allows. We celebrated EVERY day we had our girl, and to this day that's what she taught us, #celebrateeverything. Big hugs to everyone!
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