Handpicked for Earth by her sister in Heaven

Monday, November 20th, in the dark of the night, pitocin was dripping into the IV that felt like it was taped to my arm for life. The numbers climbed fast from 2ml to 4ml to 8ml to 10ml to 12ml, then 16ml and then 18ml (20ml is the highest). I knew things were going to start getting crazy soon! While we waited and waited and most of the world slept, we tried to sleep too...The delivery bed in that hospital is intended for one thing, delivery, NOT sleeping, so I snuggled up to my hubby on the pull out 'bed' and there we laid in each others arms. My big belly hanging off one side, and his arm cradled under my head. We spent time sleeping, praying, dreaming and praying some more and we waited. I could write an entire blog about the feelings, thoughts and emotions that were running through my muscle fibers, veins heart and mind during that time. Here we were, just hours away from meeting the 6th life that has been formed inside my womb and yet the 2nd child we would hopefully be bringing home. All I could say over and over, "Lord I surrender all, Lord she is yours, Lord protect our family".

 Around 7am things started to get real and between the squats I was doing, the dancing with my hubby and bouncing around the room and the number 18ml on the pitocin drip, I wasn't surprised; There was no slowing this train down. By 11am I was wondering where that Anesthesiologist was they told me would be on his way FOREVER ago, by 11:15am, I was telling myself VERY firmly that when I talked, I still needed to say please and thank you to my husband and the nurses and by 11:30 I was getting a little cranky about that anesthesiologist. 12:12pm, the whole team walked out, happy meds in me, and I laid a bit more relaxed and dilated to a 9 (first time they had checked me since I was admitted) And good thing they didn't check before the epidural or they might not have let me have it. I knew she would be coming soon!

I had flashbacks to Arabella's birth, and all I wanted was this girl to be alive and healthy and well. Four quick pushes and she was in my arms, GOD IS GOOD...Tears of joy and hope and surrender and willingness ran down both Will and I's cheeks as we studied the miracle that laid in my arms. She was our Rainbow, Handpicked for earth by her sister in Heaven. Zella Rae Ellis, meaning happy and blessed and warrior girl. Rae meaning Grace, now all our girls have Grace in some variation as their middle name. We had her because we lost Arabella, the pain and joy that brought me all at once was overwhelming. Gods hand ran rampant through the whole timing and delivery and birth of sweet Zella. Want to know who our delivering nurse was, one of the first nurses we started with when we were admitted for Arabella, she was able to see our story come full circle, as where 3 other nurses that were all part of our labor and loss journey the past 2 years. What a God hug, what a joy!!!! We had very thankful and grateful hearts in the moments we wrapped our arms around those nurses who have journeyed with us and what a blessing when they held our daughter.

In the few short minutes after she was born, Satan tried to steal our joy. When they uttered they would possibly have to take our daughter to NICU for an IV because of her glucose levels (not that big of a deal, but to me I was freaking out inside), we prayed hard core over her and we asked others to pray. Her numbers started stabilizing but Zella seemed like she was getting worse, she was puking, spitting, and projectile vomiting with barely anything in her, she was not eating and every time a milk product got close to her mouth something would come out. That started the pumping routine for me, flashbacks to when Mayla was born and every mommy urge in you just shut down and shattered. We were instructed to keep her skin to skin which was wonderful, expect hard on me when all the people flooded the hospital to have their turn loving on her and I felt like I couldn't share the way I had dreamed and hoped. Sleeping came in minutes and I felt like I was unraveling fast. Zella was poked every 2-3 hours and as we awaited the number reading I would cry out to God..we sang praises each time the number came back in the 'healthy' range. The longer she went without eating, the more stuff that came up the more worried I became....I was trying hard to cling to the one who could heal and in the quiet and visitor free hours I would just sob to my husband...."GODS GOT THIS" was all he kept saying to me! That was all I needed to hear. Will was being the strong tower I needed and pointing me to the ROCK!

It seemed like the more Zella got out of her the better she was feeling and SLOWLY she started to show an interest in eating. I was reminded of all the junk that flows through us, the sinfulness, the selfishness, the lying and hiding we do, and how GOOD it feels when I GET that out through confession and prayer. Both different kinds of junk, but both have the same result afterwards, a renewed body that has room for good! God designed us to be free of the junk, this world tries to shove it in our face in many different forms and we aren't intended to live under that stress and bondage. The bible tells us in 1 John 1:9, "that if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." He wants our whole hearts pure, he cares about us SO much that no questions are asked,  just PURE FORGIVENESS granted! THANK YOU JESUS that you love us so much you allow us the freedom to live apart from bondage.

Zella was cleansing all right, and her cleansing was helping my nurses reach their fit bit goal of steps for the day as I continuously pushed that nurse call button. Will and I kept laughing, it's our third time being parents but first time we have done any of this! Grace was given all the way around!

Zella started eating, her numbers continued to skyrocket and on Thanksgiving they were telling us that we could take her home. Mayla's prayer for the last 2 years was finally being answered and she wasn't afraid to tell anyone and everyone about it. She uttered to one of our nurses one day, 'we get to take this one home!'

Some of my favorite lines Mayla uttered while at the hospital, "Look, a family of four....", talking about ourselves. "We can bring her home, and be all four of us". And I'm never going to leave your side, ok Zella? I'm your big sister and I will always be here"! I have never seen her smile so freely for a photo before or look so happy. We praise God for the journey and the storm and the lessons and the GRACE and LOVE that has been needed to come out on the other side!

For this child we have prayed, and the Lord has granted us the desires of our heart" 1 Samuel 1:27.

God gives us Rainbows to remind us of HOPE! My prayer for you is that daily may you put your complete faith in HIM for He is the God of the impossible. Thank you for your prayers, your support, your encouragement, your emails and your continued love throughout our journey! You will never know how thankful we are for you!